Who is that in the mirror?!

I always said when I started gaining weight, I never looked in the mirror and saw someone who was “fat”. I still saw the thinner person I was prior to the weight. Even though my jean size crept up and up and up and my shirts started getting tighter, I just never really saw it.

With the weight loss something changed- I don’t see it as much as I thought I would. Kind of crazy, huh? My brain would trick me into not seeing the fat, but once the fat was gone, I couldn’t see the progress either. What a letdown! Yes, I knew things were changing. I knew the sizes were dropping and people would always give me compliments, but I never really saw it.

This weekend I had one of those life-changing moments. It was the exact moment that my brain finally saw what my eyes were trying to show it and it felt incredible! It was like the skies parted, the sun shone down (even though it was at night) and the angels started singing, “Hallelujah!”

This coming weekend, I am giving a presentation on social media and since it’s March and should feel like we’re closer to spring, I wanted a new outfit to make me feel good and show off the brightness of the season instead of the drab of winter. So my husband and I headed off to the Mall when I walked into Penny’s and started looking around.

My style anymore is quite simple. I’m happiest in jeans and tees and sneakers. When I dress up, I can go from flowy maxi dresses to heels and cocktail outfits or anything in between. I don’t do it very often, so when I finally take the plunge, I’m ready to roll in anything.

As I walked around the store, I wasn’t feeling much. I grabbed a pair of pants, a dressy top and a couple of dresses. I then laid my eyes on a red pencil skirt and matching sweater by Liz Claiborne. They paired it with a jean jacket and I could see myself wearing white tennis shoes to set it off. It looked the most like the “Leslie” I am today. Of course, I grabbed a larger size skirt and a size 14, thinking I’d never fit into it.

Remember me talking about having to fight that habit of constantly grabbing the larger size and not believing I’ve lost as much as I have? Well, it struck again last weekend and I had no idea until I got in the dressing room! As I slid on the large sweater and 14 skirt, I was shocked. I was swimming in both of them! The skirt slid on without unzipping it and the sweater, well, it was hanging off of me, kind of like it did on the hanger.

In that moment, I finally got it! No more settling. I got dressed, walked out of the dressing room, grabbed my husband’s hand and marched (not walked, marched) down to a store that I’ve always loved the fashions, but I never thought I could ever, in my wildest dreams, wear them!

We walked into Alter’d State and I started pulling dresses off the racks- all in a size large! Low and behold, I ignored the XL sizes and picked up the larges. I was so terrified; my hands were shaking. It’s sad to say it was the most courageous thing I’ve ever done because I was that scared. If they didn’t fit, I was going to be devastated. If they did, I’d owe it to myself to realize how far I’ve come. Ladies- I was so terrified that I made Scott come into the dressing room with me so I wasn’t alone!

Amazed, I tried on dress after dress and they all fit! Sure, some weren’t “right” for the occasion, but I wasn’t popping buttons or busting out the seams. Then I spotted it. The most perfect Navy blue maxi dress. It had a lace cutout above the waist and the most beautiful fabric. I slipped it over my head and gasped when I looked in the mirror. Tears appeared in the corner of my eyes as I finally saw what my body has been trying to tell me for months. I saw the skinny me! Oh, how I never wanted to take off that dress. But, alas, I had to pay for it.

As I waited in line, to pay, I think I stood up straighter. I carried that bag out of the store with a pride in myself that I haven’t had in a long time. I might not get to wear “the” dress to my presentation this weekend, as the high is in the 20s, but it’s in my closet, waiting for the perfect moment when I’m gonna shine.

When people say this surgery is life-changing, it really isn’t a lie. It really does change your perspective. Sometimes, it’s a little forced; other times, it’s a subtle reminder; and for a few glorious times, it comes out of left-field and hits you so hard that you see stars. Every single time it happens, it’s always, always worth it!

Sorry guys- y’all didn’t think I would show you the dress before I got to wear it, did ya? For the record, I’m down five pant sizes to a size 12 and my shirt size is now a medium!